i’ve always had this … problem, of falling really quickly for certain people and then kind of realizing, hey! this is a bad idea! however the realization usually comes retroactively, after i have already dated and broken up with them. or, in certain, somewhat more problematic cases, when they are at some sort of distance from me (say, seattle when i was in salt lake, or connecticut or massachusetts to my new york), and i decide that they are really great anyway, and that if i could be dating someone, it would totally be that person.
BUT I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DATE ANYONE. i have realized that my problem is in fact that i pick the wrong people and so i am no longer allowed to date. well, more accurately, i am not allowed to be in a relationship. i’ve actually been on more dates and had more date-like activity so far this semester than most other semesters without it diving into being relationshippy. but, the only reason for my not getting into a relationship (or, rather, attempting to) has been a very active drive against it.
now, once again, as it was in days of yore, i have fallen a little bit, but still too much, for someone out of reach. maybe this is a good thing! maybe my vehement hatred of distance relationships mixed with my desire for the ones distal to me will result in exactly what i’m going for! but, that sounds like a much more upsetting way of maintaining singledom than i had hoped to achieve.
overall, my point is mainly that i am 20, and i don’t know what’s good for me, or what’s bad for me, and what do i need to be dating someone for anyway? i’m twenty! my biological clock is nowhere near countdown times, i’m not exactly concerned about dying alone. and i am happy to not be With Someone, but i almost wish i hadn’t met/started talking to/re-started talking to these distance folk that i start to think “if it weren’t for the distance…” about…
in other news, all of my pajama-type clothes smell like everything bagels. delicious!
